Relationships can be full of hurdles. That’s simply part of life- nothing comes easy, including romantic relationships. One of the lesser known obstacles? Relationship complacency.
Relationship complacency is what happens when you get to be a little too comfortable. Dirty dishes in the sink? Ah, they won’t mind. Wrinkled shirt with a tiny wine stain in the shape of California for a dinner date? They won’t care that much. It’s more than just cleanliness and personal hygiene, as there’s a noticeable drop in all the excitement that surrounded your relationship at the start.
So, what causes this? In short, people go from being afraid of being alone to boredom from having had something for an extended period of time. There’s no fear of consequence with your actions (or inaction) and things will stay the same simply because you’re in love and that couldn’t possibly fade away. Sorry to disappoint you, but if you’re reading that and saying “We haven’t done all those extra things we used to do and we’re fine,” you might not be fine.
Don’t panic! Finish reading this column before you begin making emergency maneuvers and freak out your significant other with a sudden splurge of bouquets of flowers. All hope is not lost and as long as you haven’t been purposefully negligent towards each other, things will be fine. Now is the time make sure you keep the romance on track and don’t lose sight of what got you two so far along in the first place.
Take some time to think about your fondest memories of your significant other. Recall “The Firsts.” You know- the first time you met, the first time you asked each other out, the first time you kissed, etc. There’s a significant magic to those memories because you can recall the butterflies you had. The anticipation of taking your relationship to a new level, one step at a time, came with excitement and a bit of uncertainty. You tried a little bit harder because there was something you wanted with that person. Maybe you kept your house a little cleaner and made sure your laundry actually made it to the basket. There was a desire to do everything in your power to impress them.
Those are pretty awesome memories, right? Sorry, but we’re going to hit you with an emotional hammer here and ask you to imagine the relationship doomsday scenario where you two have not only broken up, you’re no longer talking. Imagine your daily life without that person- no more “good morning” and “good night” texts, romantic dinners out or cozy meals at home, simple date nights with a movie from the comfort of your couch, or any of the other daily occurrences you share with each other. We know, that’s a bit heavy. Those moments you’re taking for granted are actually pretty important, but you shouldn’t realize this after the damage has been done.
All it takes is a little extra effort from one of you and it can help to put an extra spark into things. It’s not always a two-way street; sometimes you’re the complacent one or it’s your significant other who is letting things slip away. The efforts required to recharge your romance are different for everyone, so while we can’t give a detailed blueprint of plans to follow, we suggest you reflect on the start of things to remember what lit the fire the first time. Don’t become complacent, folks. Remember to embrace every day of your romance together like you won’t have it tomorrow and you’ll have no trouble finding your love all over again.